dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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