he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
