Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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