he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
