now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
