I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
