I skipped work to stalk him.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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