Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
