he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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