ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
