I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
