one might say we're banned from that church
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
