none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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