i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
