How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
