When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
