drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
