thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
