im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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