dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
