the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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