I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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