I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
