Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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