I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
