I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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