just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
