too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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