My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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