Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
