Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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