What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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