my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
