3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
