i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
