"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
