i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
