I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
