While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
