I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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