You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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