It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
