My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
