Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
