I feel like abortions should bother me more
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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