Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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