I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
