What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
