You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
