The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
