I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He better not be in your backpack
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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