On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
