Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
