i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
