What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
