Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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