i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
