I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
