"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
