I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
