We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's on the porch naked. Help.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
