Just cropdusted the office
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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