But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Alive.
So much puke
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
