Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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