so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize