Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
