so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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