either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you traded sex for a burrito?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
