His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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