I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
