i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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