oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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