i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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